Doesn't seem like we are going to get to see much of San Diego this trip, but the intensive studio vibe that we are all co-creating is sure not only to spark plenty of creative moments, but likely to provide ample opportunities for musical and personal growth as well. I am already feeling nervy about having to record lead vocal tracks while dealing with the effects of plane travel and mild jet lag. But something within has the sense that I, like all of us here, will rally despite whatever challenges there seem to be.
Certain fears have surfaced during the course of this work, all coming up for air so that I can face them and work through them. I've mentioned the anxiety around lead vocal recording, but also the more general sense that this path that I have chosen -- to charge (and stumble!) forward independently, at least for now, rather than immediately push for a record or publishing deal -- is somehow empirically the "wrong" one, chosen merely out of stubbornness and gut-intuition, rather than any actual smart-sensed guarantee of success. After all, there is no market proof of a DIY musician really penetrating the world market the way a label affiliate can. And yet, this seems to be the path that is calling me. Again, I suppose, just an opportunity to re-look at choices to see if they are still salient. And for now, this one, as fear-ridden and anxiety provoking as it is, still holds true. Ah well. And so I surrender.
As an aside, I believe some would question my decision to convey the fears I am facing within the context of my blog. My choice to do so really stems from a commitment I made recently to move towards a spirit of transparency with regards to my artistic process. My sense is that it is tempting for the artist, creator, or entertainer to use their image as a creative professional as a way to hide who they really are and what they are really feeling. They can exist in a plane of messianic perfection, where they are the providers of either wisdom or happiness to others, never seen as having problems or even flaws of their own, until of course empire falls, and the resultant period of backlash and innuendo set in.
I have never particularly been a fan of this cycle and have, rather, always wondered: can strength, can inspiration, can value at large, be derived from not only the artist's cheerful or confident stage veneer, but their inner-workings, their "imperfections", all the crap and the wounds and the afflictions that make them, well, real human beings, as well? Not as a platform for pity or complaining, but simply as a window into that which makes them, which makes us ALL, human, together on this journey, all scaling the mountain, one step at a time... *whew*
#Stoked for Day Two.